The 22 Best Simpsons™ Episodes (And The 3 Most Disappointing)

In honor of the twenty-second season premiere in September, I present my personal picks for the 22 best Simpsons episodes…and three episodes that failed to live up to the hype (in honor of the three “seasons” of short subjects on The Tracey Ullman Show):

22. When You Dish Upon A Star – Over the last ten years or so, there’s been a great deal of debate about “Modern Era” showrunners and their over-reliance on cameos by celebrity guest stars to pad out the stories. But this installment proves that in the right hands and with clever material, those cameos can produce pure gold (Oscar gold, even). Ron Howard and the then-married Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger fit perfectly into the Simpsons universe, and their interactions with their newly-hired personal assistant Homer are instantly quotable. And “Potsie” really steals the show here, as he completely belies his clean-cut image with dynamite fishing, two-fisted drinking action and blatantly ripping off Homer’s “time-traveling robot driving instructor” movie concept.

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21. Bart’s Dog Gets An “F” – For all the great gags and surprise guest apperances (even though Tracey Ullman brings the goods as always), at the very core of this episode is a simple story about a boy and his dog. While there have been many other installments centered around Santa’s Little Helper over the years, there’s never been one better.

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20. The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show – A controversial outing for a number of reasons, and yet what’s often lost (particularly in all the furor over the “You owe them” line) is the fact that this is an hilarious installment (complete with a number of self-aware swipes at the show and the genre itself). Meta-humor is always tricky to pull off effectively even under the best of circumstances, but this episode proves that The Simpsons does it better than most. And honestly, most hardcore Simpsons fans are probably too thin-skinned for their own good anyhow, so an occasional tweaking isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

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19. Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Parts 1 & 2) – The “biggest event in Simpsons history” really hasn’t aged well (anyone still remember Twin Peaks or Tailhook?), but still ranks amongst the show’s best outings. The whole is definitely greater than the sum of its parts, though.

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18. Bart’s Comet – The perennial “D” student accidentally discovers a new heavenly body…which of course is headed on a collision course towards Springfield, sending “America’s Crud Bucket” into a predictable (and highly amusing) panic. The town has rarely looked worse or more collectively incompetent than here, and thus this is one of the best Springfield-centric outings to date.

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17. Lisa’s Wedding – This Emmy®-winning episode doesn’t hold up as well as you’d think, in part because the writers have continually monkeyed with the series timeline and gone to the “wacky future” wellspring far too many times. But there’s no better examination of Lisa’s complicated relationship with her family (Homer in particular) to be found anywhere else in Simpsons canon.

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16. The Last Temptation Of Homer – We’ve seen this type of story on The Simpsons many times before and since, but never done so masterfully. This tale of Homer’s struggle between his love for his wife and his animal attraction towards new plant employee Mindy Simmons (a pitch-perfect performance by Michelle Pfeiffer) could have gone horribly wrong in lesser hands (“That ’90s Show”, anyone?) but thankfully the Season Five team was still capable of conjuring up that delicately-balanced brew of belly laughs and emotional resonance. And of course, as a bonus we get Colonel Klink himself as Homer’s conscience. How can you go wrong?

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15. Blood Feud – While there have been better overall Simpsons episodes, there has never been a better character study than this particular installment. Every performance is pitch-perfect, from Homer’s well-meaning stupidity to Charles Montgomery Burns and his complex mix of arrogance, archaism and obliviousness (a formula that many writers have failed to accurately duplicate). And there are so many quotable gags that it would take far too long to name them all (although Homer impersonating Burns at the post office is a notable standout).

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14. Bart The General – As a general rule, it really isn’t fair to judge Season One episodes against later installments, because the series was still trying to establish itself in the primetime universe and the writers hadn’t yet stumbled upon the winning formula which would propel The Simpsons into the realms of true greatness and worldwide cult status. But those elements were beginning to coalesce here, as Bart confronts Nelson Muntz for the first time and enlist Grandpa’s help to do so. This was the episode (along with “Bart The Genius”) that really put Bart Simpson on the map as a cultural phenomenon during the summer of 1990, although the focus of the series was gradually (and wisely) shifted over to Homer by Season Three.

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13. A Fish Called Selma – These days, an episode focusing on a supporting character is usually a recipe for disaster. But thanks to the talents of Julie Kavner and the sorely-missed Phil Hartman, this hilarious outing stands the test of time and deftly skewers our celebrity-obsessed culture with pinpoint accuracy. And what’s more, there’s geniune emotional growth between Selma Bouvier and Troy McClure, of all people. Who knew? As relevant today as when it first aired.

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12. The Joy Of Sect – It’s The Simpsons vs. The Scientol…er…Movementarians! Although this episode has traces of the elements which would later drag the series down the Road of Mediocrity (Jerkass Homer, out-of-character gags, “wacky” set pieces, overextension of the so-called “rubber-band reality”, and so on), it’s still an enjoyable and hilarious outing with many well-deserved swipes at organized religions of all kinds. And Mr. Burns as The New God is the greatest B-story that never happened.

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11. 22 Short Films About Springfield – The first “genre-bending” outing follows a number of Springfield citizens around during an average day in our favorite town. While the quality of the individual segments varies, it’s “Skinner and The Superintendent” which takes this episode over the top into classic territory. Aurora borealis, indeed.

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10. 24 Minutes – Even the very best of television series tend to run out of creative steam after a lengthy run, and The Simpsons is no exception. While most agree that the “Golden Age” of the show ended somewhere around Season Eight, in truth there have been the occasional bright spots even during the most desolate of seasons. For example, the much-reviled Season Eighteen produced this gem: a spot-on parody of Fox’s action-packed extravaganza 24, complete with a cameo by Kiefer Sutherland himself. Just one hilarious gag after another, even extending into the opening credits.

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9. Last Exit To Springfield – Many people consider this to be the best Simpsons episode ever made. And while it’s very good, there’s a key element missing which separates the true classics from the mere great: heart. As great as the individual gags and Lisa’s protest song were, when compared with other entries on this list (Number One and Two are prime examples) the episode just falls a bit flat. But lack of emotional depth aside, the endless barrage of jokes presented here are indeed among the series’ very best. And while most people cite “Lisa needs braces/Dental plan!” as the episode’s best gag, the “Smartline” segment deserves just as much praise.

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8. Duffless – A shining example of the wisdom of shifting the show’s focus from Bart to Homer, as a concerned Marge convinces her husband to give up alcohol for a month. Dan Castellaneta hits all the right notes as Homer comedically struggles with his newfound sobriety, and Lisa and Bart have a very amusing subplot of their own involving yet another Springfield Elementary School science fair. An oft-overlooked gem of an episode.

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7. Three Men And A Comic Book – Another overlooked gem from Season Two finds Bart, Milhouse and the tragically under-utilized Martin Prince losing their minds and humanity over a rare comic book, Sierra Madre-style. And the fact that apparently no one learns anything from the experience is the icing on the cake and as Simpson-y as it gets.

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6. Behind The Laughter – The Simpsons meets VH1′s Behind The Music. Hilarity ensues. No, really. The best “Modern Era” episode EVER. Nothing else even comes close.

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5. Mother Simpson – The missing piece of the Simpson family puzzle is revealed when presumed-dead Mona Simpson resurfaces after a three-decade absence. Given the unbelievable talents of the main cast, it’s a rare thing indeed for them to be eclipsed by a guest star. But that’s presicely what happens here as Glenn Close gives a tour-de-force performance as Homer’s long-lost mother, and elevates everyone around her in the process. And if the ending doesn’t bring a tear to your eye, then you’re probably not human (or even a robot from the year 2010). Sadly, Mona’s subsequent returns were severely lacking in heart, substance and laughs.

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4. I Love Lisa – These days he’s a walking punchline, but this is Ralph Wiggum’s true moment in the sun. A carefully observed tale of unrequited love and social awkwardness, “I Love Lisa” deftly combines broad humor and pathos as the sublimely pathetic Ralph woos a sympathetic (but uninterested) Lisa after receiving a “pity Valentine” from her. And if that’s not enough, Bart and Milhouse’s reinterpretation of the Lincoln assassination is quite possibly the best standalone gag EVER. Can’t recommend this one highly enough, especially for a Simpsons novice.

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3. Lisa On Ice – The Bart/Lisa dynamic is fertile territory for Simpsons writers, but never have the complexities of sibling rivalries (not to mention youth sports in general) been more expertly examined than in this classic outing. And the ending is as great a representation of what The Simpsons is truly all about as you’ll ever see. And while this episode does feature the Jerkass version of Homer that we’ve grown to know and loathe, his incessant pitting of Bart and Lisa against each other is far more accurate than most parents are willing to admit.

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2. Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily – As noted, the very best Simpsons episodes are the ones which combine big laughs with genuine heart and this episode has both in triplicate. A series of innocent misunderstandings lead to Bart, Lisa and Maggie being taken from their parents by the state and placed in foster care…with the Flanders clan. And while there’s plenty of over-the-top gags and one-liners to go around, it’s the carefully observed emotional moments which make this particular installment one of the very best this series has to offer. The fact that you actually CARE about what happens to these goofy-looking ink-and-paper figures is what sets The Simpsons apart from traditional animated fare (and most other situation comedies) and a testament to the hard work that went (and still goes, arguments of declining quality aside) into making the show a global phenomenon. And in an episode full of great performances, Julie Kavner (as Marge) is the real standout here.

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1. Bart Gets An “F” – In 1990, Bart Simpson was being heralded as television’s favorite underachieving bad-boy and the quintessentially cynical symbol of the new decade, and in the Season Two premiere the writers wisely decided to play against that image (and head off the typical “fad backlash” that usually accompanies such phenomena) by revealing the vulerability beneath Bart’s cavalier attitude. Faced with the humiliation of repeating the fourth grade, an increasingly desperate Bart tries to forestall the inevitable and actually applies himself for the first time in his young life. Nancy Cartwright (Bart’s voice actress for the uninitiated) deserves special kudos for her performance here, as she proves her dexterity by seamlessly shifting from comedy to heart-wrenching pathos in the blink of an eye. And try watching the final scene between Bart and Mrs. Krabappel without (at the very least) getting a lump in your throat. Trust me, it’s impossible. Simply the best.

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And just to balance things out:

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3. Trash Of The Titans: Worst 200th episode ever. You’d think that having Steve Martin, U2 and an elaborate Alf Clausen musical number would be enough to make this installment an instant winner…but you’d be wrong. Martin in particular was completely wasted here, playing the straight man to a disturbingly bufoonish Homer. Hindsight being 20/20 and all, “The City Of New York Vs. Homer Simpson” should probably have been the 200th.

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2. Homer’s Enemy – Another idea that sounds great on paper, but is sorely lacking in execution: a normal person from the “real world” trying to deal with the illogical world of Homer Simpson. This episode is more disturbing and needlessly cruel than genuinely amusing, and the final breakdown of Frank Grimes is particularly difficult to watch. A rare exercise in sadism from The Simpsons.

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1. Stark Raving Dad – Possibly the most hyped Simpsons episode ever (behind “Who Shot Mr. Burns?”), this installment doesn’t age well for a number of reasons best left unsaid here. However, the simple truth of the matter is that there’s really not much substance here to begin with. The actual plot is fairly thin, the characterizations are all over the map, there’s not nearly enough satirical bite to counteract the contrived sappiness, and the “birthday song” written by Bart and “Leon Kompowsky” is fairly lousy. Basically, the entire episode was merely an excuse to work with Michael Jackson (who was given creative control, something that no other guest star has had since) and it shows in the final product. This outing actually marked a turning point for the series, as the Groening/Brooks/Simon triumvirate gradually lost power (in part over the writing team’s frustration concerning the early creative direction) while the likes of Al Jean and Mike Reiss began exerting their own influence over the series. And under their guidance, the show finally achieved that much-needed balance of comedy and heart which propelled The Simpsons into the stratosphere.

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TV’s Tim

A Victory For Mary Sues Everywhere

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Once_Upon_a_Time_in_Springfield

http://www.emmys.com/nominations?tid=1170

Really, Emmy® voters? Really?

I’ve come to accept that the Academy will continue to nominate this show despite years of declining quality (and overwhelming arrogance in the face of same) because that’s just what they do: continue to deify past-their-prime series out of habit long after the general populace has moved on to fresher fare. The last season of The Venture Bros., for example, was far more entertaining, hilarious and even touching (in its own ribald way) than any episode of The Simpsons or the rest of The Usual Gang Of Idiots this past year. But the odds of that show ever snagging a nom are slim and none, and slim just left town.

But to nominate THIS episode, out of all the other choices? Not “The Devil Wears Nada”, which was far from the best episode in series history but certainly a step up from recent efforts? Or “Oh Brother, Where Bart Thou?”, which harkened back to the glory days and actually managed to be funny, character-driven and touching without resorting to the same old tired “edgy” humor that has a very short shelf life? Even “Million-Dollar Maybe”, with all its flaws, was better than the barely-disguised Mary Sue snoozefest known as “Once Upon A Time In Springfield”. It would take far too long to list all the major and minor issues with the episode, but here are a few:

- The inherent awkwardness and questionable taste of the Eartha Kitt (R.I.P) cameo.

- The heavy-handed attempts to transform Krusty the Clown (the Jerry Lewis/Bozo The Clown amalgam) into a romantic lead. Seriously, people? Have we learned nothing from eight-plus decades of show business history?

- The songs. Dear God, the songs. Remember when this show used to savagely mock sappy, overly-sentimental claptrap and not actively showcase it?

- And that ending…wow.  It was almost enough to make me give up on The Simpsons for good (as in, never watch any episode ever again and possibly sell my DVDs), and that’s saying something when you consider that not even “The Principal and The Pauper”, the jockey song or panda rape could accomplish that feat.

Words can’t describe just how insipid this episode truly was, especially with that cloying, Vegasesque “thanks for the memories” message tacked on the final scene (which, thankfully, has been altered to something more “Simpsons-like” in subsequent airings). And for this tripe to receive Emmy® recognition while a true gem like Community is left out in the cold without a single nomination…well, that speaks volumes about the state of the television industry today, doesn’t it?

TV’s Tim

Late Night Television Goes “BOINK”

The New York Post

Asbury Park Press

Well…what can I say?

Just when I thought I’d seen everything in late night television, we get another seismic shift which sees NBC finally pulling the plug on The Jay Leno Show experiment and attempting to reshuffle the deck yet again. Only this time, the red-headed stepchild ain’t playing along.

The truth is, Conan has been screwed around left and right by NBC and, quite frankly, Jay Leno. I’ve never been a Jay fan, but I’ve always acknowledged that he served his role well and made his network bosses happy. Never mind that his show had become a mediocre snorefest on the receiving end of relentless mocking and ridicule, the likes of which has not been seen since The Merv Griffin Show left the airwaves a generation ago. Or that he made his bones by endlessly exploiting real human tragedies for cheap laughs (no one used the Simpson/Goldman murders or the Michael Jackson molestation charges for personal gain more than Leno, IMO). And now he’s shown himself to be every bit the showbiz phony and greedy opportunist that many of his peers have made him out to be over the years.

Imagine if in 1994 Johnny Carson had announced that he’d changed his mind about retiring and wanted to come back to The Tonight Show, thus shifting Leno to a later timeslot or off the network entirely? Or, worse yet, what if in 1992 he’d announced that he was going to host a nightly primetime clone of his old show on his old stage with his old crew, and then after seven months of lousy ratings and threatened affiliate revolts decided that he wanted his old gig back? Sure, the network would have been justified back then, especially since Leno was trailing Letterman significantly in the ratings and NBC as a whole was struggling in those pre-Seinfeld days to maintain the number-one spot in primetime. But Johnny wouldn’t have done those things, because whatever other flaws he may have had, he was also a class act who knew when it was time to leave and did so gracefully. And ultimately, that’s why Jay could never adequately fill his shoes.

Now, the counter-argument would be that Carson voluntarily stepped down and Leno was ‘forced out’. The only trouble with that scenario is that Leno had the option to go elsewhere (and still does) if he truly believed that he was being unfairly benched. As the likes of John Stewart, Steven Colbert, Wanda Sykes and George Lopez have proven, the late night world of 2009 is vastly different from the world of 1993 when the First Late-Night War occured. There are plently of other places out there (ABC, FOX, Comedy Central, TBS, FX, MTV, USA, Spike TV, etc.) where Leno could have gone to re-establish himself as a force to be reckoned with seven months ago when his Tonight Show run ended, and he would have been well within his rights to do so. But instead he played things safe and stuck with good ol’ NBC, perhaps knowing that they would cater to his every whim and that he’d have no problem getting his old timeslot back if things didn’t pan out. But while Conan has shown nothing but respect and due deference to his predecessor ever since NBC announced the transition years ago, it’s also been clear that Leno has had an insect up his hindquarters about all of this for quite some time now and has done everything in his power to undermine and marginalize his replacement. From whining to the press about his ouster (and yet failing to accept generous offers from NBC’s competitors, proving that he didn’t really have the cojones to leave the corporate nest) to essentially holding the historic Tonight Show stage hostage and forcing The Peacock to build Conan a new facility to this latest stunt, Leno has shown Conan nothing but disrespect. And Conan has had enough:

People of Earth:

In the last few days, I’ve been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I’ve been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I’ve been absurdly lucky. That said, I’ve been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.

Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.

Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move The Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years The Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying The Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn’t The Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.

So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn’t matter. But with The Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.

There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.

Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it’s always been that way.

Yours,

Conan

It’s also amazing to see the various responses to this fiasco from the likes of Letterman (who must be having a strange sense of deja vu) and Kimmel (who, quite frankly, showed more balls than I ever gave him credit for) as they’ve just roasted Jay over the coals much to the delight of their viewers. And honestly, the (seemingly) overwhelming negative public response (I’ve seen not one story or article that portrays Leno as the victim or an innocent dupe here or even leaning in that direction) should be enough to convince him that it’s just not worth the hassle to reclaim ‘his’ timeslot. He really needs to salvage what’s left of his tattered image and just slink off with his tail between his legs. Any chance of him successfully relaunching The Tonight Show or trying to start over on a new network now with this hanging over his head is pretty slim. And as he well knows, his late-night brethren can be both relentless and vicious when it comes to mining such material for laughs. And for someone as image conscious and protective of his ‘everyman’ persona as Jay, this has to be his worst nightmare come true.

Meanwhile, Jimmy Fallon’s just glad to have a job. His words, not mine.

TV’s Tim

A Fable For Our Times…

Gather around for storytime, kids!

Once upon a time, Big Business decided that not enough people were embracing their latest overpriced innovation: high-definition television. Despite endless hype about the supposedly clearer picture and sound, the vast majority of people admitted that they really couldn’t see any significant difference in quality (and certainly not enough difference to justify the hefty price tag). As sales languished and merchandise sat unclaimed on dusty shelves, The Powers That Be panicked and realized that something needed to be done to save their profit margins.

Enter the mighty Federal Communications Commission.

For years, the secrets about the vulnerability of the analog system of television broadcasting were kept quietly under wraps, and an effective fear campaign kept most citizens from tempting fate and trying their hands at hijacking the signals. A brave few (Captain Midnight and ‘Max Headroom’, to name two) did dare to challenge the notion that the public airwares could be owned by a select few, but these individuals were either quickly dispatched or effectively erased from history by Our Fearless Leaders, lest anyone realize just how easy it is to disrupt the precious status quo with some technical knowledge and a little ingenuity. Other smaller countries around the globe realized this fact-of-life early on and slowly began the transition to digital with little resistance from the populace (generation after generation of oppression from kings and dictators tends to quell any natural urge to dissent). But the FCC understood that Americans are a particularly stubborn lot who do not embrace change easily. Besides, the change would render billions of dollars worth of televisions, VCRs and other paraphernalia completely useless and force nearly a third of the population to visit their friendly neighborhood retailers for new electronic gizmos.

And suddenly, the FCC and Big Business realized that they had a common goal.

Thus began the Massive Campaign to brainwash the masses into believing that digital television was not only ‘far superior’ to the analog system that had served viewers faithfully for nearly three-fourths of a century, but that a switch-over was crucial to their safety and well-being. After all, those antiquated analog signals could be put to use by your local fire and police department in order to respond faster to emergencies and natural disasters (provided that massive layoffs haven’t decimated their ranks). And if anyone questioned the logic of entrusting the public welfare to a now-obsolete system deemed unsuitable for broadcasting Scooby Doo reruns, the Digital Conspiracy decided to play on the inherent greed of the rank-and-file by offering the lure of hidden ‘free channels’ offering additional (quality?) programming at ‘no extra cost’ (unless one factors in the expense of new televisions, converter boxes, antennas and so on). And of course, they also had the most powerful secret weapon of all: a desperate Congress looking for anything that would distract their constituents from the failing ecomony, a disastrously unpopular lame-duck president and The Neverending Story IV: Bux Takes Baghdad.

And so, the grandly-titled Digital Transition and Public Safety Act of 2005 (I guess the paperclip theory is true) passed with little opposition, and proving that the old adage of ‘monkey see, monkey do’ still holds water even after the universally-despised reign of President Cuckoo Bananas, other countries followed America’s lead as always and enacted their own digital conversions. By 2020, the entire planet will be on the digital bandwagon, and everybody wins:

- The FCC will be able to exercise greater control over the broadcast signal and make extra money by auctioning off the majority of the unused analog bandwith to private companies (funny how that part of the DTV Rhetoric is often lost in the fine print, isn’t it?), as well as continuing the illusion of relevancy in the computer age.

- Big Business will make billions from sales of new electronic equipment and also gets to look civic-minded and benelovent by offering ‘free’ converter boxes (via mail-in coupons which often do not cover the full price) to those in need while still raking in profits from the sale of antennas and other accoutrements needed to render the boxes truly effective. Not to mention the opportunity to gain access to the ultra-powerful analog channels for their own purposes, which will undoubtedly offset the costs of the billion-dollar ‘Big Lie’  digital campaign.

- The federal goverment gets credit for taking decisive action to resolve the ‘analog problem’ and can also pretend that the boost in the ecomony from the increased electronic retail sales was part of their grand master plan all along, and will also reap the (public and ‘private’) monetary and public-relations benefits from the analog reassignments and auctions.

- The law-abiding, tax-paying American public, who had absolutely no say in the matter whatsoever (in a democratic society yet) and likely won’t be able to discern any real difference between analog and digital broadcasting or be able to reap any of the fruits of the Conversion, will now have the privilege of forking over billions of dollars for new digital-friendly equipment in order to continue viewing the ever-declining stale of network television fare at a time when the economy is still unstable and the only ones with real job security are the Big Business executives and high-ranking government officials who are the main beneficiaries of the…oops.

Well, I guess not everybody wins.

TV’s Tim

The Prodigal Banana?

 

http://www.nbcumv.com/entertainment/release_detail.nbc/entertainment-20090224000000-andyrichternameda.html

Well, I guess you CAN go home again.

I don’t know how I missed this one, but after making the worst career move since Shelley Long decided to hang up her apron and make terrible movies by leaving Late Night back in 2000, Andy Richter has signed on to be the new announcer on The Tonight Show when Conan O’Brien takes over on June 1st. Can’t say I saw THAT one coming, but I guess it proves that you can never say never…and that there are far worse fates than being a great second banana.

Now I know that we are conditioned from birth to believe that second place is last place and that we should all strive to be leaders, but that’s just not realistic. Some of us are born to lead, and some of us are born to follow. It’s just that simple, and if more people would learn that lesson earlier in life, they would probably save themselves a lot of heartache in the long run. Sadly for Andy, he had to learn the hard way that he’s just not leading man material and that the role of sidekick (and that’s what he’s going to be, no matter what weasel words the NBC press release uses) is his destiny. And as Ed McMahon proved, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s just a matter of making the most of the situation. There was no reason in the world why Andy couldn’t have stayed on Late Night and taken an occasional character role in a film or two on the side in order to feel ‘complete’ as an artist or to show that he was more than ‘the little fat dude’ or what-have-you. But to leave so publicly, and then basically fail on every conceivable level (although I’m sure he thanks God above every day for Will Ferrell) as a solo act before humbly crawling back to your old stomping grounds nine years older and wiser…well, was that trip really necessary?

I remember feeling so sorry for him when he showed up fat and bloated (and possibly inebriated) on the final Late Night with Conan O’Brien telecast and wondered about all the regrets that had to be running through his mind and whether or not I was watching a man on the last circle of a complete downward spiral. While I hate to speculate on such things, I have to wonder if Conan felt the same way, because a mere four days later Andy was named as the new announcer/sidekick of the updated Tonight Show (displacing the beloved Joel Godard). Now, maybe this was the master plan all along, but if so one would think that Conan would have announced this news on the last show (especially with Andy sitting right there). Perhaps he was trying to spare Joel’s feelings, but a simple ‘Andy’s coming back to our show!’ announcement without specifying his actual role wouldn’t have been out of line and likely have garnered a bit more media focus than the clandestine version did. Which leads me to believe that Conan threw an old friend a lifeline and tried to make him feel needed again without calling too much attention to the fact. I could be wrong and Lord knows I have been before, but something just doesn’t add up otherwise.

Because when you get right down to it, Conan doesn’t NEED Andy anymore. Back in 1993, when Conan was a novice with no on-air experience, Andy was invaluable as a comedic partner and foil who helped Conan ease into his role as host and build a loyal audience. When you watch clips from those early days, it’s clear that Andy was the engine that kept the show moving along, and that Conan relied heavily upon him. But then came the ‘little fat dude’ incident (which to this day I believe was one of the motivating factors for his eventual departure) and Andy’s subsequent exit a few years later, and people wondered if Conan could survive without his better half. Well, he not only survived, he thrived and became a much stronger host in the process. By 2004, it was no longer a ridiculous notion that Conan could take over The Tonight Show from Jay Leno and succeed, which had to be a bitter pill for Andy to swallow in light of his own public disasters.

Anyhow, I guess this makes Andy Richter the luckiest bastard in show business not named Ryan Seacrest. Good for him, but hopefully his story will serve as a reminder to others that sometimes the grass isn’t always greener on the other side…and sometimes it’s just astroturf.

On a somewhat related note, this ‘orderly transition’ between the various NBC late-night hosts is the most awkward thing I’ve seen on television in quite some time. I don’t think they go through this much rigmarole electing a new Pope.

TV’s Tim

What’s Next? Yoda In A Thong?

I’d like to think of myself as a pragmatist.

While there are many times where I strongly disagree with the general population on a variety of subjects, I also realize that I am but one lone voice screaming futilely against a cacophony of dissent. Over the years, it has become increasingly clear to me that I am simply not in step with the vast majority of the public. Whether it be Lost, iPhones, Kentucky Grilled Chicken or the Kardashians, my tastes simply run counterclockwise to those of the rest of the universe. That doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m right and everyone else is wrong, mind you, just that I tend to see things differently. But I also understand that my way of thinking might not always be the best course of action, and that sometimes you have to accept the practicality of certain situations for what they are.

Which bring us to the latest Star Trek motion picture film.

I understand that something drastic had to be done in order to save the franchise from extinction, especially after the last series bombed and the interminable Nemesis completely flat-lined at the box office. And whatever lip-service Paramount might pay to the Trekkies about ‘perserving the legacy of Gene Roddenberry and his extraordinary vision of the future’ and so forth, the bottom line is that they are a corporate entity above all else and their main goal is to make billions and billions of dollars. And in that vein, they have the duty to try and find the best way possible to accomplish that goal. So for this incarnation of Star Trek, they assembled a non-Trekkie creative team, hired glorified underwear models to play the major roles (that might be a bit harsh) and marketed the movie to an audience that traditionally avoids sci-fi like the Plague. And $150 million dollars later, the strategy seems to be working. But after watching the latest commericals, I have to wonder what the loyal fans think about all this.

The general consensus seems to be that Trekkies will bitch and moan and whine about changes to their beloved franchise, but in the end they will continue to support the brand. And thus, you don’t have to worry about appealing to them, because they’ll come for the name ‘Star Trek’ if nothing else. However, The Powers That Be have also determined that the Trekkie Universe is a very, very small subset of the real world, and continually marketing multi-million dollar film projects for that limited audience simply isn’t practical anymore. With the ecomony in a record slump and dozens of major studios and independent filmakers all fishing from the same decreasing pool of cinemagoers every year, you just can’t argue with the logic of shooting for broader appeal at the risk of angering the hardcores. On the other hand, you also can’t afford to alienate the dedicated few who have kept the dream alive for four decades and counting. Because once the novelty of ‘Dirty Sexy Trek!’ wears off and John and Mary Q. Public move on to embrace the next new pop-culture diversion, those social misfits and outcasts with the homemade costumes, gigabytes and gigabytes of fan-fiction and artwork on their hard drives and (more importantly) acres upon acres of Trek memorabilia in their parents’ basements (and the disposable income to buy even more kitschy tripe) will be the only ones left.

You don’t bite the hand, Marty. You don’t bite the hand.

TV’s Tim

Having Your Cake And Eating It, Too

 

MSNBC.com

The New York Times website.

Well, on the one hand, you could argue that NBC finally learned its’ lesson about alienating a longtime employee and figures that this is the best way to keep two of their top properties on the network and fill some gaping holes in the primetime lineup at the same time (which I guess puts the kibosh on the B.J. and the Bear revival). Plus, The Tonight Show isn’t the same show it was when Johnny Carson left in 1992. As popular as Leno may be, the brand isn’t nearly as prestigious or as bulletproof as it once was. In the old days, The Mighty Carson Art Players would have eaten Jimmy Kimmel for dinner and then had John Stewart for dessert. So, this isn’t necessarily like the passing over of Letterman sixteen years ago since the prize isn’t nearly as valuable or rarified today.

Still, this has to be a real slap in the face to Conan O’Brien. After years of loyalty, hard work and dedication, he finally moves up to the main event only to discover that he’s going to be following in Leno’s shadow all over again. And he doesn’t even get the privilege of performing on the same stage that Carson made famous. While I’m sure this will provide him with years of monologue joke fodder, it can’t feel good to be treated like a red-headed stepchild (pun intended) in front of the entire world. This whole deal is like finally marrying your high school sweetheart after a fifteen-year platonic engagement and finding out that your new bride has decided to spend the honeymoon in Hawaii with the best man instead, and that her father is sticking you with the bill for the ceremony. And then the caterer runs off with all the wedding gifts. And then as you are making the lonely trip back home alone, you realize that your fly has been down the entire day and no one bothered to tell you.

Oh, and apparently Robert Irvine is back. Alrighty then.

TV’s Tim

Oh, Mister Irvine!

MSN.com

Yahoo.com

St. Petersburg Times (The original article.)

Well, this sucks.

In the wake of the Writer’s Guild Strike and the resultant onslaught of cheesy gameshows and revolting ‘reality’ programming, I discovered Dinner: Impossible and subsequently became a huge fan. And a great deal of that could be attributed to Robert Irvine, who had all of Gordon Ramsey’s intense charisma without any of the controversial baggage. Or so we thought.

Now, I’m sure Bob isn’t the first person to creatively pad his resume and he won’t be the last. But in this age of computerization and instant information, it’s much easier to uncover the truth. And it’s probably not a good idea to piss people off in the first place when you’ve built your career on a foundation of a tissue of lies. I hope Irvine saved his money, because as good a chef as he apparently is despite the fabrications, his reputation in the culinary world is shot all to hell and he’s not likely to make a comeback from this embarrassment. Remember The Frugal Gourmet?

Who’s going to be the next Food Network star to fall from grace? Stay tuned!

TV’s Tim

Of Roid Freaks And Rotisseries

Seriously? THIS is the long-defunct show that NBC decides to revive in order to shore up their schedule in light of the writers’ guild strike? After the recent federal investigations of professional sports both real and prefabricated, is it really a good idea to parade around a group of oiled-up steroid junkies, pit them against a motley crew of ordinary schmoes in a series of hokey psuedo-athletic games and promote the whole shebang as good clean old-fashioned American entertainment? If NBC really wanted to resucitate a lame semi-reality show from a bygone era, why not just bring back Candid Camera? Or maybe Real People? It’s not like Byron Allen has anything else better to do these days.

There’s something fishy at the Food Network. And it ain’t the smoked salmon.

First, they shitcanned the classic Iron Chef reruns to make room for even more Rachael Ray and Giada Whatchamacallit. Then they fired the charmingly goofy Jim O’Connor from his gig on The Secret Life Of… and replaced him with the smug-yet-dull George Duran, who takes the usually boring world of food production and somehow makes it even more uninteresting. Then they recently cancelled Mario Batali’s show after a decade-long run, and now comes word that the man who put the channel on the map (and, like Mario, has been there from the beginning) has just had HIS long-running show axed.

As of December 11, Emeril Live is no more.

Now, I don’t want to suggest shenanigans on the part of the Food Network execs, so maybe it’s just a coincidence that they moved Emeril’s show out of primetime and took the late-night replay off the air a while back for no apparent reason, and then held a competition to find a new Iron Chef despite the fact that no version of the show has ever had more than four. Or that they greenlit a derivative new show with seemingly little point or direction (Ham On The Street) and then inexplicably transitioned its host to The Secret Life Of… less than a year later. But I’m sure that they weren’t just covering their asses in case contract negotiations didn’t go well and they had to ease these fixtures of the network out of their long-held positions and hire cheaper talent. Besides, Jim, Emeril, Mario and Iron Chef Classic are all still part of the “Food Network family” and will be for some time to come (if the lying assbags, I mean, network publicists are to be believed).

Still, if I were Alton Brown, I’d be watching my back.

TV’s Tim

Good TV (For Now, Anyway)

Prison Break: Sadly, this might be the last new episode for the 2007/2008 season (despite FOX’s promise that new episodes will air in January) and possibly for good if the ratings continue to fall, and there’s still a number of loose ends and unanswered questions left. Still, I’ve been enjoying the season so far even if the Sona arc is rapidly running out of steam. If they’ve got something interesting planned with this mysterious birdbook of Whistler’s, then they need to move forward with that plotline after the hiatus sooner than later. And if either Linc or Michael fail to put a bullet in Susan B. after all this, I’m going to be very, very disappointed to say the least.

Boston Legal: The constant cast changes are starting to get a little tiresome, and the new additions aren’t exactly setting the world ablaze. But, as always, as long as Jimmy Spader and Bill Shatner are front and center, then all is right with the world.

The Unit: This show is growing on me despite my better judgment. Yeah, it’s basically just right-wing propaganda, but it makes no apologies for that fact and it’s well-written and superbly acted to boot. And it’s not like we don’t have our fair share of shows leaning the other way. Plus, any show that delivers both Dennis Haysbert and Robert Patrick every week is just dandy in my book.

Two and a Half Men: Given how much I hated that wretched piece of tripe Dharma & Greg, it’s surprising that I would actually enjoy this show since it comes from the same creative team. But I’ll just chalk that up to the inherent likability of the two-and-a-half leads and move on with my life.

Well, that’s the fewest number of shows on my “Must Watch” list yet. And with 24 and Jericho delayed indefinitely and The Sopranos taking the dirtnap, there’s just not a whole lot to get excited about these days. 30 Rock is hit-and-mainly miss, as is My Name Is Earl, and while Weeds is decent enough it’s definitely an acquired taste. And my reliable standbys like South Park, Curb Your Enthusiasm and King Of The Hill have been either pretty awful or just plain boring thus far this season. Even the Nick-at-Nite and TV Land reruns have been pretty shoddy as of late (far too much Fresh Prince and George Lopez for my tastes).

Thank God for DVDs and the interweb.

TV’s Tim